Except for those people walking around in monks' robes or a nun's habit (which probably aren't hanging out on internet dating services!), almost everybody lies from time to time. We all have different intentions for lying, whether they be selfish, lazy, or even kind. But while we may lie on occasion, most of us realize that lying is generally a bad idea, and that the truth will usually do us a lot more good in the long run.
Which makes it so difficult when you come across a liar. If you happen to catch somebody you're dating in a lie, it can be hard to know what to think. If you're one of those people who believes that lying is evil and only the truth will do, even a small lie might be enough to shake your trust to its core. For others, however, it can sometimes be difficult to know whether a lie is worth making war over. Is your partner's recent lie an acceptable one, or a sign that you should move on to richer --and more honest-- pastures?
Acceptable Lies
To some people, like my ultra-religious and very trustworthy best friend, any lie is an unacceptable lie. She doesn't do it, and so she doesn't accept lies from the people in her life. Most of us, however, tell little (and occasionally big) lies from time to time, and wouldn't want the people we date to give up on us immediately if we tell a little fib. As a person who hates to lie and avoids using them whenever possible (but is still apt to tell small fibs to get myself out of uncomfortable situations) the following kinds of lies are generally "no big deal." At least to me.
Complimentary lies. When somebody I'm dating tells my sister she looks nice instead of saying that her rear-end has doubled in size since the last time he saw her, I think he's sweet, not deceptive. Sometimes these kinds of lies are a necessity and a relief; if he thinks my chili is mediocre but tells a white lie about how much he likes it, I'll love him for it. But I'm just shallow that way.
Little cover-ups. I'm one of those despicable people who always arrives about 10 minutes late to a party. Most of the time, I excuse myself without giving a reason (which is generally that it took me too long to apply my eyeliner). But when I'm the last to arrive and feeling guilty, I'll claim to have gotten stuck on the subway. Hey, sometimes it's even true. Small lies to smooth over uncomfortable situations, while not admirable, aren't a big deal.
Unacceptable Lies
While little lies that smooth over situations which are neither life-altering nor particularly meaningful are mostly okay in my book (when used minimally, that is), any lie that constitutes a large betrayal is unacceptable. If somebody you're dating has lied to you about a big thing that means a lot to you, it might be time to start doubting whether or not you can trust them. People commonly lie about the following sorts of situations; these are what I call "big betrayals."
- Marital status
- Sexual (and other) activities
- Past history (think medical conditions, arrest records, etc.)
- Intentions (such as saying he or she wants to settle down)
- Careers/current financial situation
- Living arrangements (like, "no, I don't live with Mom and Dad")
While it's true that some lies are deal-breakers and others are little hiccups, what a particular lie means to you will depend completely on, well, you. But just remember that, even if you're the forgiving type, it's never a good sign when somebody lies. Especially if they do it often. If you've heard lots of small, "well-meaning" lies come out of your partner's mouth, it's may be time to wonder what else he or she may be hiding.
Author Resource:-
This article was written by Shawn Wilson, a member of the customer support team at Datepad, where internet dating is always free. Datepad has a massive directory of informative dating articles along with a great list of dating site reviews on their dating blog.
![[Valid RSS feed]](/images/icon_Rss.png "XML Feed For RSS"){kind=icon}
Category Rss Feed
Print This Article
Add To Favorites